. .. and someone will make it happen in YouTube.
Nicole (my girlfriend) and I went to the We Are One concert on the National Mall the Sunday prior to the inauguration and afterwards as we were making our way back home and we were discussing the concert and what happened, this exact comic opportunity flashed into my head and of course, I just found it on YouTube. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIAgIsnYV60&feature=related
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Poker LESSEN from "The Telemarketer"
I've played poker for more than 5 years now and I've learned a lot of lessons the hard way. Some of these lessons may seem obvious to a serious poker player, but I've been writing them down for my own reference and as a reminder of what not to do. Obviously this will be an ongoing feature of my blog and I hope it will help you become a better poker player or at least win more money from me.
My poker nickname is The Telemarketer. I am not a telemarketer in real life, but I call myself The Telemarketer at the poker tables because I'm the guy at the table that just keeps calling, and keeps calling, and keeps calling. It's my style of play and it usually gets me in trouble more than it helps me win, but I'm committed to my persona.
Lessen #1: Focus on the Table NOT Your Hand
Don’t get so excited about any two card hand. You must “take in” and accept what’s going on at the table and with the other players before you can discover whether your excitement is warranted or not. At a cheap tournament ($40 buy-in) at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas in the fall of 2008 I was dealt a pocket pair of 10’s. It was very early in the tournament and the players seemed pretty inexperienced to me. So I was calling these big bets from 3 of the other players and didn’t take a moment to read the table before calling. I was too excited about what I was dealt. I ended up going all-in before the flop and when the cards were turned over other the three hands showed: KJ; KJ; and AA. A Queen and a King came out in the flop and the rest of the community cards were numbers other than 10. I was the first to be knocked out of the 30 person tournament. It’s a lesson that could become an expensive one if I don’t learn it soon.
My poker nickname is The Telemarketer. I am not a telemarketer in real life, but I call myself The Telemarketer at the poker tables because I'm the guy at the table that just keeps calling, and keeps calling, and keeps calling. It's my style of play and it usually gets me in trouble more than it helps me win, but I'm committed to my persona.
Lessen #1: Focus on the Table NOT Your Hand
Don’t get so excited about any two card hand. You must “take in” and accept what’s going on at the table and with the other players before you can discover whether your excitement is warranted or not. At a cheap tournament ($40 buy-in) at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas in the fall of 2008 I was dealt a pocket pair of 10’s. It was very early in the tournament and the players seemed pretty inexperienced to me. So I was calling these big bets from 3 of the other players and didn’t take a moment to read the table before calling. I was too excited about what I was dealt. I ended up going all-in before the flop and when the cards were turned over other the three hands showed: KJ; KJ; and AA. A Queen and a King came out in the flop and the rest of the community cards were numbers other than 10. I was the first to be knocked out of the 30 person tournament. It’s a lesson that could become an expensive one if I don’t learn it soon.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
They Caught Him by the Organ
So back in 1993 or 1994 I worked at Jordan Kitts Music in the Springfield Mall selling pianos and organs. The store isn't there anymore and I think JKM went bankrupt. In any case, it was a typical weekend day. I was "front pumping" (the fine art of playing fun tunes at the front of the store to attract attention to how easy it is to play the hobby organ with just a couple of fingers -- I was an expert at it.) A gentleman of middle eastern descent, from what I could tell, walks up to me and asks whether we carry the Technics line of organs. I said, "but of course" (in my finest Grey Poupon accent) and did as I was trained . . . turn away from the customer, begin walking to the back of the store, wave your hand in a come hither manner over your shoulder, and never, ever look back. If you look back you are allowing the customer the opportunity to say "nevermind" and walk in the opposite direction. Trust me it works everytime. I've only seen a few rare instances that the salesperson ends up in the back of the store alone wondering where their customer went.
I sat down at the midline model of Technics organs and played him a spectacular version of Down by the Riverside with the backup band playing in a New Orleans style dixieland band swing including scooping the notes to give him the autoplay ride of his life. He let me get to the final closing kick (done flawlessly by the organ Ending button.) He immediately said, "yes, I'd like to buy this one." This is what in salesmen's vernacular is called a "lay down" (I understand the history of that phrase comes from the act of asking a girl if she would like to have sex with you and she immediately removes her clothing, lays down in front of you, and spreads her legs. Now you have a good understanding of how rare an occurrence this is in sales terms.)
I tried not to act too surprised and fell back on my training again and delivered a rarely used closer . . . "Great! How would you like to pay for it?" he asked, "Do you take money orders?" All I heard was "Do you take blah blah blah blah?" because in my head the words "but, of course" were already formed in my mouth.
I sat down at the table and began to ask him for his contact information, he said "Let me complete it for you." Remember, the customer is always right. So I handed him the contract and waited patiently for him to complete it. He handed me the order form and the money orders. I was trying very hard not to have the shit eating grin on my face that would perfectly express my emotions. He then asked, "would you help me take it to my car?" My eyebrows went straight up because we usually have to setup delivery and wait until the day it is delivered and signed for before we get paid our commission. Having someone come in and buy an organ and then walk out with it was money in the bank. I said, "but, of course" more like John Cleese that time.
I placed the same organ I demonstrated on a cart unplugged it and rolled it into the mall following him to the glass doors on the other side of the mall. I looked a bit ridiculous, but I was used to that (refer back to the definition of "front pumping.") He held the door for me and his car was already illegally parked at the curb. He opened the door and I carefully placed it in his car. I then waved goodbye to him, his wife, his new organ, and all of the bags of goodies they had bought in the mall as they all rode off together into the sunset. I walked back in the glass doors carrying the cart back to the store. Done deal. Sweet!!
Just then, not ten steps back in the mall, a guy runs up to me with a walkie talkie in his hands gasping for breath. He says, "that guy you just helped out with the keyboard" gasp gasp "did he pay with money orders?" I thought for a second and said, "but, of course" this one sounded more like Gilligan saying it. He says, "Damn! he just ripped off half the stores in the mall with fake money orders!" I looked at the guy . .. looked back at the glass doors . . . and said, "hmm, that sucks."
Later that day my Manager, Tony, walked in and saw the sale in his in-box. He approached me and said, "way to go, Dan! I've taught you well." Remember, Sales Managers have egos the size of a small humpback whale so it's all about them all the time. Being the "way too nice guy" that I am, I said, "well, I'm worried that the sale will not go through." I explained what happened and Tony sat at his desk looking at the money orders closely. He finally stated in as plain a speak as anyone would, "welp, a sale's a sale." He put the money orders and paperwork in the bank bag that goes to the corporate office and zipped it up. I turned and walked back to the front of the store and began to front pump the hottest tune in my repertoire . . . Girl from Impanema.
I got paid my commission in my next paycheck and by the time the next pay period came around Corporate was threatening to take the commission back because the money orders turned out to be fake. Tony and I defended the sale and stated our case. How would I know they were fake? Corporate ended up writing it off begrudgingly.
I never found out if they caught the thief of possibly middle eastern descent, but I did wonder every now and then whether his family enjoyed standing around their new hobby organ watching him play When the Saints Go Marching In using the Rhumba style auto rhythm.
By the way . . . . the title of this post is the punchline to a well-known keyboard salesperson vaudeville style joke . . .
Phil: "Hey Joe."
Joe: "Yeh Phil?"
Phil: "Last Sunday a streaker ran through the church during services."
Joe: "Really. What happened?" . . . aaannnd punchline
I sat down at the midline model of Technics organs and played him a spectacular version of Down by the Riverside with the backup band playing in a New Orleans style dixieland band swing including scooping the notes to give him the autoplay ride of his life. He let me get to the final closing kick (done flawlessly by the organ Ending button.) He immediately said, "yes, I'd like to buy this one." This is what in salesmen's vernacular is called a "lay down" (I understand the history of that phrase comes from the act of asking a girl if she would like to have sex with you and she immediately removes her clothing, lays down in front of you, and spreads her legs. Now you have a good understanding of how rare an occurrence this is in sales terms.)
I tried not to act too surprised and fell back on my training again and delivered a rarely used closer . . . "Great! How would you like to pay for it?" he asked, "Do you take money orders?" All I heard was "Do you take blah blah blah blah?" because in my head the words "but, of course" were already formed in my mouth.
I sat down at the table and began to ask him for his contact information, he said "Let me complete it for you." Remember, the customer is always right. So I handed him the contract and waited patiently for him to complete it. He handed me the order form and the money orders. I was trying very hard not to have the shit eating grin on my face that would perfectly express my emotions. He then asked, "would you help me take it to my car?" My eyebrows went straight up because we usually have to setup delivery and wait until the day it is delivered and signed for before we get paid our commission. Having someone come in and buy an organ and then walk out with it was money in the bank. I said, "but, of course" more like John Cleese that time.
I placed the same organ I demonstrated on a cart unplugged it and rolled it into the mall following him to the glass doors on the other side of the mall. I looked a bit ridiculous, but I was used to that (refer back to the definition of "front pumping.") He held the door for me and his car was already illegally parked at the curb. He opened the door and I carefully placed it in his car. I then waved goodbye to him, his wife, his new organ, and all of the bags of goodies they had bought in the mall as they all rode off together into the sunset. I walked back in the glass doors carrying the cart back to the store. Done deal. Sweet!!
Just then, not ten steps back in the mall, a guy runs up to me with a walkie talkie in his hands gasping for breath. He says, "that guy you just helped out with the keyboard" gasp gasp "did he pay with money orders?" I thought for a second and said, "but, of course" this one sounded more like Gilligan saying it. He says, "Damn! he just ripped off half the stores in the mall with fake money orders!" I looked at the guy . .. looked back at the glass doors . . . and said, "hmm, that sucks."
Later that day my Manager, Tony, walked in and saw the sale in his in-box. He approached me and said, "way to go, Dan! I've taught you well." Remember, Sales Managers have egos the size of a small humpback whale so it's all about them all the time. Being the "way too nice guy" that I am, I said, "well, I'm worried that the sale will not go through." I explained what happened and Tony sat at his desk looking at the money orders closely. He finally stated in as plain a speak as anyone would, "welp, a sale's a sale." He put the money orders and paperwork in the bank bag that goes to the corporate office and zipped it up. I turned and walked back to the front of the store and began to front pump the hottest tune in my repertoire . . . Girl from Impanema.
I got paid my commission in my next paycheck and by the time the next pay period came around Corporate was threatening to take the commission back because the money orders turned out to be fake. Tony and I defended the sale and stated our case. How would I know they were fake? Corporate ended up writing it off begrudgingly.
I never found out if they caught the thief of possibly middle eastern descent, but I did wonder every now and then whether his family enjoyed standing around their new hobby organ watching him play When the Saints Go Marching In using the Rhumba style auto rhythm.
By the way . . . . the title of this post is the punchline to a well-known keyboard salesperson vaudeville style joke . . .
Phil: "Hey Joe."
Joe: "Yeh Phil?"
Phil: "Last Sunday a streaker ran through the church during services."
Joe: "Really. What happened?" . . . aaannnd punchline
Is eBay Worth It Anymore?
I just posted a few items on eBay tonight for the first time in many years. I used to have items on eBay constantly back in 1998-2000 and got a bunch of hits and bids and made some excellent spending money. I actually found it to be fun. Now there just seems to be very few bidders out there, the fees are higher and higher, and all of it is so automated that I'm not even sure if I ended up profiting from investing my time and effort into the process. It's more like an online flea market than an online yard sale. Now you can't even trust anyone to send you a check anymore or even a cashiers check or money order because you can't trust them anymore. OH! That reminds me of a story (see my next post) ... .
Naming the Crisis
Here's what I posted on the NPR site last night in response to their segment on what to name the economic crisis:
I had a hard time trying to find one that fits all of the areas of this crisis (housing, auto, banks, stock market, unemployment, etc.) but here are three that seem to fit:
1. The Great Repossession - with the foreclosures and credit defaults, bankruptcies, and even job losses. It seems America has been living beyond its means so the repo man has come to claim the property.
2. The Great Downsizing - when you go to a smaller home you down size. With all the layoffs companies are downsizing. We all are downsizing our spending and desires to buy. It's like termites have been eating at the foundation of our economy and the whole house is starting to collapse around us like a "Great Implosion".
and my favorite
3. The Great Awakening - so many have been so focused on living the American Dream that they finally got the wakeup call to reality. The new administration may help us see the light and get past the nightmare that we are experiencing. We all are experiencing a new consciousness and now working on nursing our hangover after partying a bit too much. It seems like we've been oblivious to what's been going on and the election certainly rattled awake those that were still hitting the snooze button.
I had a hard time trying to find one that fits all of the areas of this crisis (housing, auto, banks, stock market, unemployment, etc.) but here are three that seem to fit:
1. The Great Repossession - with the foreclosures and credit defaults, bankruptcies, and even job losses. It seems America has been living beyond its means so the repo man has come to claim the property.
2. The Great Downsizing - when you go to a smaller home you down size. With all the layoffs companies are downsizing. We all are downsizing our spending and desires to buy. It's like termites have been eating at the foundation of our economy and the whole house is starting to collapse around us like a "Great Implosion".
and my favorite
3. The Great Awakening - so many have been so focused on living the American Dream that they finally got the wakeup call to reality. The new administration may help us see the light and get past the nightmare that we are experiencing. We all are experiencing a new consciousness and now working on nursing our hangover after partying a bit too much. It seems like we've been oblivious to what's been going on and the election certainly rattled awake those that were still hitting the snooze button.
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